Longing...

"Yuhin kat jayega safar saath chalne se...ki manzil aayegi nazar saath chalne se..."

Maturity comes with age. Thats oft mentioned. But what about the maturity which comes ahead of age, forced on you by circumstances? Is that maturity enjoyable? Is it even welcome?

These random thoughts have been stemming from my recent experiences and feelings emerging from them. Going for your sister's public dance performance should be a moment of pride, yet why is this feeling diluted by another feeling, that of longing? The longing for the presence of a guiding and reassuring hand. At this age, its difficult enough to handle your own self with care. Add to that, setting an example for your sister, reducing her loneliness, ensuring all is going smoothly in her school. All this when she herself has been less than an year into her new school.

But my feelings must be incomparable to what she must be going through. To be able to adapt to such a drastic change in lifestyle, and without a murmur of a whine, I feel amazed as to how strong my sister is. Was I so strong when I was her age? For that matter, am I so courageous even now? This outpour of emotions clearly suggests I am not. All I used to do at her age was crib about the difficulty level of IB. What never occured to me was that they were after all exams, and life is a whole lot more than exams. She is coping with this unique situation of life so well. Touch-wood.

I am aware you would be thinking I am going overboard with my reactions. After all, how difficult can it be staying with your sister in a city where you have stayed alone for two years? Surely having your own sibling along would be so much more exciting than staying alone? Yes, but you see the mind, being its usual selfish self, determines its mood not on who is currently present, rather whose presence is lacking. Having seen a better way of life with Mummy staying here in singapore, and papa here on most weekends, nothing else seems acceptable to the mind now. It longs for the entire family to stay together again, or at least Ria staying with Papa and Mummy so as to ensure that her most crucial academic year also has the same parental support which many of us are fortunate enough to take for granted.

I am sure all this is also happening for a reason. As Harivansh Rai Bacchan said, "Man ka ho toh accha, man ka na ho toh aur bhi accha" (if what you desire happens, thats good. However, if something that you want does not happen, then its even better.) The logic behind this is that if something is not going your way, then the One watching us is writing the script. And he can never want anything bad for you.

But you know what intrigues me? How this feeling of longing knows no political boundary, requires no visa, and can be felt simultaneously in Indonesia and Singapore...